Listening from within

I have listened to the news on the radio for nigh on forty odd years now. I have watched the news and news analysis on tv intermittently, though sometimes assiduously, for long periods. I have participated in twitter debates, been able to observe and ponder other people's twitter debates and listened to the small number of friends who discuss world affairs.

I am wary of participating and listening and watching any more. All this pooling of thoughts and impressions and ideas give the lie to the truth. Our ideas, impressions and thoughts become homogenised by this daily grind. It produces a palatable ice cream that we taste and savour at our leisure and in our repose.

Remembering the raging argument that my Dad had with my uncle when we all shared a house together when I was growing up. My uncle had The News of the World newspaper delivered once a week and as I began to learn to read, I would look at it. One week my grief could not be contained after seeing pictures of dogs being beaten to death with sticks on the front page. I would cry myself to sleep night after night thinking of them. My Dad was outraged to the point of apoplexy and demanded that my uncle never order it again. I remember this now and the ill feeling it caused, along with the deep feelings of sadness. I think about not knowing about painful things, disasters, wars, cruelty, torture, oppression and the myriad forms of suffering going on as we live each day.

I retreat. I prefer the slow and laborious process of reading. Not newspapers. My circumference of experience has retracted to within my arms' reach. I listen to music again. Even the music in my head is preferable to some external babble. I can sometimes extemporise, internally and externally.

This is a hermit life and perhaps I am hiding from reality. For the time being, I imagine it is reality I am trying to touch. I feel deceived by the homogenous and illusory impression of life portrayed second hand.

I put on my boots, my hat, my gloves and I walk out. It is, inevitably, about to rain.